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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582713">A Safe Place for Your Feelings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsushi/pseuds/Tsushi'>Tsushi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lupin III</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, a little emo, but it's not yet requited, lupin is bad at feelings, luzeni</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:35:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsushi/pseuds/Tsushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A young, callous Lupin sneaks into Zenigata’s office and learns why the Inspector is always going easy on him and has to confront a feeling he rarely has.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arsène Lupin III/Zenigata Kouichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Safe Place for Your Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based mostly on a tweet by sideburn_z on Twitter, just a real quick one of Lupin early on when he's a worse person who really can't deal with the idea that he cares about people.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mission was small, so Lupin hadn’t asked Jigen for backup. Just a quick jaunt into the ICPO offices to take pictures of a few papers, so he knew what to expect in terms of security on the next heist. Checking on Zenigata’s budget requests gave him a great idea of what to prepare for.</p><p>He knew Zenigata would call this cheating at their game, but that oaf would call anything he did cheating. Maybe it SEEMED a bit like cheating to an untrained eye, but in Lupin’s world there were no such rules. You won by outsmarting the other person, and he certainly knew how to outsmart Pops.</p><p>He had worn a custodial outfit and pretended to mop in front of a few cameras before he rode up the elevator to Zenigata’s desk. He dug into the handy folder with a tab labeled “expense requests”. Lupin laughed to himself thinking of how stupid orderliness was as a general concept. Such an easy weakness to exploit.</p><p>It was almost boring, but it would be fun enough when he pulled off his next heist with extra flair knowing exactly what counter measures he would need. Watching the Inspector’s face go from pride and confidence to baffled frustration when Lupin just happened to be prepared with items relevant to every little trap and detail. </p><p>He hummed to himself as he flipped through, tapping the camera hidden on his tie pin, documenting each page. He took a moment to flop into the big leather chair. It was faint, but it smelled like the guy. Lupin chuckled, and kicked up his feet. What kind of face would he make if he saw Lupin lounging on his desk. Probably would have steam shooting out of his ears. Red faced and screaming. Hilarious watching the old man lose his mind.</p><p>Lupin was finished with the task, and he swung his feet off the desk. But as he moved to stand, the tip of his shoe bumped into something heavy under the desk.</p><p>The thief bent down to see a small safe. His eyes lit up. Zenigata may as well have left candy behind for him to unwrap.</p><p>“Don’t mind if I doooo~” Lupin crowed.</p><p>The safe was pathetic. Not that he expected a challenge. It might as well have been unlocked to begin with for how quickly Lupin was able to spin the tumblers.</p><p>He opened the door and a few folded papers spilled out. He snatched one up, and kicked back in the creaky chair. He’d read hundreds of articles on his capers, devouring them, every word sustaining him. These would be no doubt even more delicious.</p><p>But as his eyes proceeded down the page, each bitter line weighed heavy in his stomach.</p><p>“Dear Lupin,</p><p>Broke another rib yesterday. I’m gonna try to listen to the doctor this time. Gotta take a day off. They can’t put it in a cast or nothing, I just gotta stay off my feet for the next few days. There’s a mountain of paperwork here, so I think I’ll do that first, and when it’s done, I’ll spend the day at home. Enjoy some peace and quiet. I gotta get used to how quiet that apartment is anyway. I keep putting old soap operas on so it sounds like she’s still there. Just outta sight in the other room.</p><p>Bet you’d call that pathetic, huh? Well, you don’t get to. You just gotta sit and listen to me when I write. So take THAT.</p><p>-Z”</p><p>Lupin swallowed, for no particular reason.</p><p>He looked over the pile of papers, now noting the similarities. All lined paper. All in the same smudged handwriting. There were dates in the corner of each letter, and Lupin’s hands flitted over the stack, assembling a loose chronology. He tried not to look at anything but the numbers. Numbers were easy, and clean. It was just another little puzzle, and words weren’t hopping out of his peripheral vision every other page. He wouldn’t acknowledge words like “fracture,” “administrative leave,” “almost fired,” or “love.”</p><p>That last one, he squeezed his eyes and tried to bury the idea, but the date was the oldest, and it sat atop his pile, staring back at him.</p><p>Rude. It could wait its turn. Surely there would be something to step in line first, some other letter, something loud and boastful, something to make Lupin angry the right way, and not in this weird, heavy, slowing sort of internal frustration.</p><p>But when all letters were accounted for, there it remained, on top. With a spiteful click of his teeth, Lupin held it up, deigning to give it the attention it so pathetically cried out for. It was addressed to him, might as well read it.</p><p> </p><p>“Dear Lupin,</p><p>I booked Mine Fujiko today. She had this smug little smirk on her face. I don’t know if she got it from you, or if you got it from her, or if it’s just something all you types develop as you get older. I’ve never seen it on a face that wasn’t a lousy thief, though.</p><p>She was trying to seduce her way outta the place. When I was a younger man, maybe it would’ve worked on me. And she did get out of her cell, in the end. But it wasn’t her pressing up against the bars that made me slip up. It wasn’t her cute little tone. It was when she’d gone through her usual tricks, and nothing worked, and she dropped the act. She should’ve been frustrated, but she just laughed, and said something like “Nice job, Pops, you’ve come a long way,” and then she smirked that little smirk.</p><p>You’ve got her calling me that, too. She’s known me longer than you have. And she switched to your crummy little nickname for me.</p><p>And that’s what made me trip up. Got my heart racing, and she must be able to smell that kind of thing. It was ten minutes before she’d made a deal, out on bail, for information on your current whereabouts. And when she left, she gave me that little smirk again, and told me that I’ve “Got it bad,” and that she “doesn’t blame me.”</p><p>I knew what she was talking about. She’s the second person to accuse me. Big difference between her and my ex, though.</p><p>My wife DID blame me for it.</p><p>It’s not right. I didn’t want to love you.</p><p>I hate this.</p><p>-Z.”</p><p>Lupin dropped the stack.</p><p>They cascaded down, a dry little white waterfall, all of them lying folded on the floor. He turned his head away, to look at the ceiling. Whatever they said he could tell already they would only make this feeling worse. They’d burn an even bigger hole through him with this unnecessary remorse. He forcefully pushed against it. Shoved it back down. Feeling guilty was for suckers. A good thief takes what he wants and doesn’t look back.</p><p>This was good news, if he thought about it. The old man was even easier to deal with now. There’s no such thing as cheating at the game. Just another point for team Lupin.</p><p>He stubbornly convinced himself he couldn’t be happier to know this. Could not be happier to read it. In fact, he’d read another. Take a picture and repeat some of it back to the Inspector. That would be funny. Really, he would be even madder than he was about Lupin sitting in his desk chair, so obviously it would be even more funny.</p><p>He snatched up another letter from the ground. He was frowning now, but he tried to force a smile through.</p><p>“Dear Lupin,</p><p>I hate that these help, but it’s nice. Knowing you have to listen. Even if you’re not really listening. It’s kind of confusing. But it helps.</p><p>Not like I could tell you for real. I don’t know what you’d say back. And I try real hard not to think about it. I’m pretty good at guessing what you’d do in a given situation, but that’s one answer I’d rather keep in the dark. If I’m lucky, whatever you said would just make me mad. I could take that. I’m used to that. I’d appreciate it, in a way.</p><p>But what if you didn’t make me mad? What if you were all soft? That’d be worse, because I’d know deep down it would be a lie. I’d know it was a trick. I’d know deep down that it would end in you flying away into the sky laughing, but I’d have to risk it. I guess if that’s how gullible I am I deserve to get my heart broken, but it doesn’t mean I want to let you do it. </p><p>There’s no use in opening my big mouth It would just be another thing you use against me. You’re ruthless like that. Wish I was like that. But my heart always gets in the way. Maybe you do have one, deep down. Maybe even you wouldn’t be that cruel. But that’s just me being hopeful.  You’re a bastard.</p><p>Did I do something bad in a past life? Just my luck..</p><p>Z.”</p><p>Lupin crumpled the letter up and chucked it across the room. The paper hit the wall, and rolled a few feet away..</p><p>He’d fucked up, he thought, as he retrieved it and set it down. Just one waded of paper amongst all the crisp letters Zenigata would see the one crinkled letter, even HE couldn’t miss that.</p><p>Could Lupin take it with him? Would Zenigata miss it? Of course he would! Lupin sat down at the desk again, to look for Zenigata’s notepad, hoping the same pen Zenigata wrote them with was here. Zenigata’s handwriting was second nature to him, he could replicate it easily. But as he looked at the ruined letter, that heaviness hit him again, the thought of copying over those words. It would force him to think about this even longer.</p><p>He growled to himself and shoved the letters back into the box. He eyed the pens and pad. Why did reading this have to feel like a knife in his chest? Why did it remind him of the pit he felt in his stomach the time Goemon offered to put a permanent end to their troublesome pursuer. How annoying it was when Goemon replied “I see.” in that way that implied something. It was easier to ignore these things. But sometimes they pester you at just the wrong moment.</p><p>He grabbed the pen and pad, he had to find something to make this feeling leave him alone. He hated saying it, he refused to say it sometimes even when his life was on the line, so he wrote quickly. He folded it up and stuffed it inside and shut the door. He was done for the night. </p><p>“Dear Z</p><p>I’m Sorry.”</p><p>Then he climbed through the window as quickly as he could, leaving with a camera full of secrets he wanted, and a head full of thoughts he didn’t.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to my wife Alexis Royce for writing most of the letters, and to LupTwt for being full of ideas that get me to make stuff.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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